THE 10TH TIME I FELT LIKE DYING

The headline you see above, literally depicts what I’m going to share with you. 2018 is just a few hours from being behind us and though this piece captures my “death moments” from way back, I’ve thought it wise to let you in on some hopefully inspiring lesson, as the new year draws nigh.

To begin with, I’ve thought of literally dying to save myself from hate, hurt, embarrassment and shame, several times. Growing up, I didn’t have that “positive light” shielding me everywhere I go and most at times, I was bullied into silence, laughed at or shut out. But of course, that can’t be compared to those who have actually been knocked down by cars or fallen from trees and tall buildings or worse. However, the impact could likely feel the same. And that was the first time I felt like dying.

The second time through to the fifth time repeated itself on many occasions I can’t recall; Self-Love. This was one of the most difficult things to build and it somehow, still is. Being least appreciated or having low self-esteem and confidence, can be total turn-offs. And these were some of the blocks that stumbled on my realization to appreciate myself more.

The sixth time, I was blind. Not referring to visual impairment but my inability to realize my potentials. I spent many a time watching what others do and letting them shine, when I could have equally worked on myself and pushed forward.

The seventh time wasn’t any good either. Shyness had eaten me up more times than I can count. I’ve let so many good times and opportunities slip through my fingers because the thought of “I don’t think I can do it” drowns me every time I’m at the doorstep of chances.

The eighth time was “Whoa!”. I’m pretty sure now that my shyness was as a result of this: “What would people say?” Of course, so many mouths run at a time whether you’re doing good or bad but out of these mouths come some words that can either set you riding on a good track or doom your confidence.

For my ninth death experience, I’ve had to shake my head a lot about it. I’d foolishly assumed roles in the life of “Friends” whom I had loved. I know I’m not the only one who has had the “fake friend, fake love” experience but the experience is strangling; especially when you’re being taken for granted or the impact of others on your life isn’t as strong and positive as your impact on theirs.

The tenth time captured the entire façade and actually speaks to me. Having had some quiet time with my conscience, I’ve actually calculated the fickle-mindedness, foolishness and weakness that made me feel like a dead man walking.

1. I gave a damn about petty stuff while those who left me devastated, lived their lives having a good time and moving on with their lives

2. I missed out on so many things because I spent most of my time brooding over people who don’t like me or people who never wished me well.

3. I never gave myself a chance. Always letting others’ opinions lead my way.
I never learned to appreciate my talents, my family, my true friends (which I have now) and most importantly, God.

4. I spent many a time under the umbrella of negativity and never allowed myself to grow.

Going through all these; the depression, could make you feel almost dead and the price, which is REGRET, could have you weeping to your grave. I’m sharing this with you not because I just feel like it but it’s very important to me that someone out there, even if not everyone, learns to know his/her worth and tries to flush out any negative energy that swooshes you to an emotional squalor.

Remember: BE YOU! Great things await you in the coming year and you can’t achieve them if you’re a duplicate of someone else.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Kindly SHARE!