Tribal, you said??

I’ve always wanted to write something about being Ewe
It comes as no surprise to me now                  Searching within, I realized it all began with my name                           
It’s either that it was wrongly pronounced , or was misspelt or someone just had it altogether twisted

Way before my life in the university, I was usually known by the name Amanda     
But, whenever I was asked for my full name, more often than not, there was a statement that followed;     ‘Oh, so you are an Ewe.’                                                              

A statement to which I’d reply ‘Yes, I am’

That statement was one I undeniably found erratic, or should I say bizarre because meaningless would be extreme. 

Not that it wasn’t obvious enough that I was an Ewe                                                           
It’s more of not thinking that I was an Ewe, or that I was not expected to be one, or not supposed to be one

I remember wanting to have my surname changed because I just could not stand having a strange surname. This was around age 8, I think.

I felt so much better when in high school I was called Alokpa                                    

Funny enough, they preferred to refer to me by that, maybe because it sounded like some crazy high school nickname.

I wonder if I am supposed to laugh when an academician makes fun of Ewes.                

I wonder what to do when in class, after a joke stating that Ewes would rather prefer a ‘post’ to being paid, I am supposed to find it funny, not to even talk of laughing, because others find it funny.

I didn’t know how to feel when a good friend of mine told me to take my profile photo of a book titled ‘The Ewe People: A Study of the Ewe People in German Togo’ by Jakob Spieth down because it was too tribal.                                                       
I still don’t understand what he meant by tribal.

The urge to revolt was there, but I had to channel it to a better use                         

Only for him to tell me that he was looking out for my best interests. 

So was I confused when in class 6, my classmates laughed at a joke about a translation of an ewe being an animal into the Twi language, with a pun intended, being that an Ewe is an animal.

I don’t know how to react when some family members tell me not to bring an Ewe man home, or when once upon a time, a boyfriend of mine told me his mum did not like Ewe girls. 

It became a given to know that being Ewe made you different, that I was different long before I got into my late teens, before I became a teenager. 

For some reason, after the statement “Oh, so you are an ewe’ some people changed. Some remained true, and the others changed, I cannot explain the change, but I knew there was a change

This Ewe experienced had me having a realignment of thoughts.                             

For the past three years, I have chosen to be known as Dzifa.                                              

At least, this is resounding enough, to avoid the statement ’Oh. So you are an Ewe.’ 

One lady I love ever told me her family does not attend and will not attend a marriage ceremony should a family member get married to an Ewe. But it’s no doubt that some of the most beautiful girls I have come across are Ewes. 

That Ewe men were mean and stingy, as though they were the only mean and stingy men in the world. This is no defense for stingy and mean men.

I found out too, that quite a number of Ewe to non-Ewe marriages broke down after a few tears.                                        

I don’t know why, but I feel external, and maybe irresistible forces may have played a role.                                                          

I hope you do find no tinge of superstition in ‘’irresistible’’ forces because that’s not what I mean. 

So my Ewe experience has been a roller coaster ride, taking turns and getting better.                                                              

You know the way Ewes vibe when they realize they have the Ewe thing in common

The stigmatization against Ewes in the world of marriage is real.                             

Be not deceived. But I am filled with hope, that someday, my child would not have to hashtag MeToo to my Ewe experience on Twitter. 

Amanda Dzifa Alokpa